Stan the Jellyfish
by Craig-DiMaggio
Summary: Kenny accidentally cheats and his life goes downhill from there. Warning: Contains strong language, violence, and sexual themes.


Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of their characters.

"Kids git yer asses outta bed yer gonna be late for school!" Mom shouted. I groaned and pulled the blanket up over my head.

"Git up ye hear!" She shouted again.

"I'm up, I'm up," I heard my cousin Miranda yell back to mom, I just laid in bed with the blanket pulled up tightly against my head.

"How do I look," Miranda asked coming into my room twirling around in a short jean skirt with fishnets and a low cut striped shirt.

"Like a punk rock hooker," I said unconcerned about what Miranda was wearing.

"Shut up like you know anything about fashion," She said. I grunted in reply and pulled out a magazine that had all the latest trends.

"Maybe you should look at this," I said throwing it at her.

"Oh my land! All these girls are wearing pink!" She shrieked and she ran back to her room I guess to go change. Miranda came back a few minutes later in skin tight light blue jeans and a pink shirt with a heart on the side.

"Can yer pants get any tighter?" I asked.

"Oh just shut up, you aren't even dressed yet," She shot back.

"Maybe I'll just go to school naked," I muttered dragging myself out of bed. I pulled on a pair of regular old jeans and a green and white striped shirt with a collar.

"You kids better be up or I'm gonna come after you like a wild bull!" Mom shouted.

"We're up and dressed," I shouted back down.

"Good, now git yer asses down here for some breakfast,"

For breakfast I had waffles and orange juice, Miranda just had a glass of juice.

"None of the popular girls eat more than juice for breakfast," She replied when I had asked her about it, in return I rolled my eyes.

"Git yer asses outta my house, the bus is gonna be hear any minute," Mom said shoving us out the door.

"None of the popular kids ride the bus," Miranda groaned kicking a rock with the toe of her pink and white shoe.

"Why do you care so much what the popular kids do? Why don't you just be an individual?" I asked.

"Because if I did that then I'd be a loser with no friends like you," She said stepping on to the steps of the bus that had finally arrived.

"Lookin good!" A boy with brown hair and hazel eyes said eyeing Miranda when she stepped on the bus; Miranda gave him a seductive smile. I rolled my eyes and sat down in the only available seat, next to Hayden Meers.

"Hi," I said trying to be friendly. Hayden stared at me for a little while with his empty grey eyes and then he turned his head back to where he was looking out the window. The bus finally lurched up in front of South Park Middle school, and everyone scrambled off the bus. Hayden and I were the first to get off the bus, and when I went to start up a conversation with him, he shied away and kept quiet. I stared at him, confused. A blunt force smacked into my shoulder, forcing me to turn around.

"Hey watch-"

I was face to face with the school jerk, Clyde. My anger immediately disappeared, replaced by tension.

"What were you saying to me, Poor Boy?" Everyone around him laughed, and I caught a glimpse of my cousin joining in.

That bitch.

I didn't say anything in reply, and he shoved by me, sneering.

"That's right, be afraid like the little rat you are." Clyde turned to Hayden and got in his face.

"And how's our little friend today? Did your mom forget to give you a kiss goodbye?" Hayden stared at him silently, almost without fear, though I saw a tinge of sadness in his eyes.

"Hey leave him alone. He hasn't done anything wrong." I piped up, and Clyde in turn grabbed the collar of my shirt. His hand raised above his head and curled into a fist just as the bell signaling school was starting blared.

His grip on my shirt loosened and he shoved me to the ground.

"You're lucky, poor boy."

He turned and headed into the school, followed by everyone else. My cousin walked by, giving me a half-sympathetic look before she passed. Ugh, I hated how she walked.

"Can you stop walking like you want to show something off that you don't have?" I yelled after her. Miranda glared over her shoulder at me as I got up.

Hayden was still standing there, eyes down.

"Hey are you okay?" I asked softly, brushing myself off. He nodded and sped off towards the school building. I sighed and brushed myself off again and went into the class room.

"Late again Mr. McCormick?" Mrs. Fair said giving me a tardy slip and sending me up to the office, the principal was disappointed to see me, that was my twenty-eighth tardy that year.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with you Mr. McCormick," He said taking off his glasses and rubbing his sweaty pink face.

"It's that Clyde Donovan's fault, he ain't notin but a regular ole bull frog," I said angrily.

"Now, I know my son cant be responsible for all your tardies, Clyde is a very dependable and honest young man, he would never meddle with the affairs of another young man to make himself feel better, especially if it was school-wise," The principal said putting his glasses back on.

"Shows how much you know," I muttered under my breath. Before the principal could get a word out a girl with bleach blonde hair wearing a short skirt and a low cut belly shirt came strolling in.

"In here for breaking the dress code I'm guessing?" The Principal said.

"Yeah, I mean the teachers have no fashion sense these days," The girl said wrinkling up her pointed nose.

"Well, you know where the extra t-shirts and sweat pants are," The principal said, and the girl left; that girl was no other than Bebe Stevens. The principal's eyes turned back on me, and for a second I thought he was going to give me a referral. Then suddenly he sighed, running his hand down his face.

"Go back to class Mr. McCormick."

I wasn't one to object. I mean, what kid would want to get a detention?

I got up slowly and said goodbye, then stepped out of his office and started down the hall. I went to turn right to go back to history and bumped into Bebe, knocking her flat on her butt. She was now in sweats and a jacket, both showing the school colors, blue and yellow. An emblem showing the South Park Cows mascot was embroidered into the pocket of the bottoms. I offered my hand to her when I heard someone cuss behind me. A boy with black hair and azure eyes passed briskly by me and up to Bebe, helping her up by the elbow. She smiled sheepishly and kissed him on the cheek. He glared at me, then his eyes softened as he looked at her.

"You aren't hurt, are you Bebe?" Bebe? Oh god…I knew who it was now. The boy turned to gaze at me again skeptically. I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly.

"Eh, sorry about knocking your girlfriend down like that Stan, it was an accident…"

"Can it, mouse." Stan glared and turned, walking in stride with Bebe down the hall, their fingers interlocked.

Geez, was EVERYONE in need of a Kotex today? 'Have a happy period…' I shook my head at that thought and strode down the hall back to my class silently.

"Nice to see you back in class Mr. McCormick," Mrs. Fair said writing something down on the board.

"Sorry," I muttered taking my seat and pulling out my history text book.

"Page 352," Mrs. Fair said. I groaned when I saw that we were learning about the American Revolutionary War.

"Is there a problem, Mr. McCormick?" Mrs. Fair asked.

"No," I muttered. As Mrs. Fair started reading about the Boston Tea Party I put my chin on the palm of my hand and I started to drift off, while in my daze I thought about magical fairies and Hayden Meers. Hayden Meers? I questioned myself and I snapped out of my daze, what was I doing thinking about Hayden Meers? I couldn't think about it too long, because the class bell rung, signaling to go to second hour. I gathered my things and started for the door.

"Mr. McCormick,"

I sighed over-dramatically and turned around, dragging my feet to Mrs. Fair's desk.

"Yeah?"

"I see you not paying attention in my class again I will have no choice but to write a referral on you," I rolled my eyes.

"I mean it, Mr. McCormick. No funny business," She stared at me over her half moon glasses, her forehead gleaming slightly in the fluorescent light.

Was she balding…?

"Mr. McCormick," I shook my head and nodded.

"Yes I get it. No funny business and thinking of more interesting stuff other than your class. Happy?"

I strode quickly out of her room, a shrill

"Mr. McCormick! Come back here!" Calling after me. I had a long way to walk; I was going to French I on the other side of the school after all. My mind started to wander, and my thoughts became fixed on Hayden again. What was with that kid anyway, I mean, he never spoke, he always seemed to be somewhere else, and…

Thud. Speak of the devil himself. Guess who I ran into. Have I really turned into a football dummy for everyone? Hut-hut-hike…

Hayden's ashen eyes widened at me as I stared back at him. He looked like a deer in headlights.

"Hey man, I'm sor-"

And he was off to the races. I half jogged after him and grabbed his arm. Hayden spun around and shook his arm slightly, pleading me to let go with his eyes.

"Dude, chill. I'm not gonna hurt you." He seemed to calm a little and I let go of his wrist, expecting him to bolt. What surprised me is he didn't

"You're in my French class aren't you…"

Oh my god. The kid actually could speak. Who knew?

I nodded and saw some loose papers on the ground and knelt down, scooping them up. They weren't actually papers, they were drawings; The top sheet had an outline of an angel on it and it looked as though it would fly off the paper. At the bottom it was signed 'H.M.' I glanced up at Hayden, whose face was smug, but he was biting his lip and eyeing the papers I held. I straightened up and looked over them one more time before speaking.

"Did you draw these?"

Hayden's hand slowly arched up, then dropped when he saw I was watching what he was doing.

"Erm…yeah…" I handed them back and we started towards our language class again.

"You know, you should really think about getting those published in a book or something, they're really good." At that his face flushed in what I thought was embarrassment, but with this kid you could never tell.

"Nice to see you boys finally arrived, and didn't you already get twenty-eight tardies?" Miss Levier said narrowing her eyes at me.

"Twenty-nine," I muttered.

"Trying to go for the new school record McCormick?" Clyde shouted out, I gave him the evil eye.

"What is the school record exactly?" Stan asked curiously.

"Hell if I know, but I bet McCormick's beat it already," Clyde said.

"Well, get in your seat!" Miss Levier snapped. I huffed and plopped down in my seat nearly tilting it over in the process.

"It's time to call Jenny, McCormick," Clyde sneered.

"Calme, Monsieur Clyde. Nous savons tous que votre tête pèse plus de mon corps comme un tout," I said half mindedly, grinning. Calm, Mister Clyde. We all know that your head weighs more than my body as a whole.

Hey, I pay attention in some classes.

Everyone 'ooo'ed' and stifled their giggling. Clyde's face became as red as a chili pepper and he puffed up.

He stood up, causing his chair to crash to the ground. Miss Levier spun around, flustered.

"Boys! Silence!" We both nodded, and Clyde grabbed his chair up and sat back in it. The smile hadn't left my face, and even though I felt triumphant, I could feel his stare glaring daggers into my back. Even Hayden found what I did funny, and he sat there, trying to hide his smirk towards me. Unfortunately, he sat in front of Clyde, and in turn for his amused look, he got a fierce kick on his chair.

"Something funny, hay-for-brains?"

Hayden stared at him half fearfully and turned around quickly, keeping his gaze in the middle of his desk. Class resumed as usual, and I couldn't help but glance over once and a while at the poor kid; Seriously, he didn't deserve this. The next class was math, my worst class, I always have to count on my fingers to get the answer, even with small numbers. I sighed when the bell rang and trudged slowly to my math class, but instead of seeing Mr. Belmont, I saw a frail lady in his place.

"I am Mrs. Popper," She said with her eyes twinkling merrily, I automatically took a liking to her.

"What are we doing today, Mrs. Popper?" I asked sweetly trying to get on at least one adult's good side.

"How kind of you to ask, Mr…"

"McCormick, Kenny McCormick," I said.

"Well, as I was saying Kenny, we aren't doing anything today, Mr. Belmont wanted me to make you children do the chapter four review out of your text books, but since you're such a sweet boy I decided to let you just sit and chill for the hour," Mrs. Popper said smiling sweetly, I smiled back, you couldn't help but to like a sweet lady like that. When math was almost over I walked up to Mrs. Popper's desk.

"Where is Mr. Belmont?" I asked half hoping he had contracted some weird disease, that way Mrs. Popper could be our teacher for the rest of the year.

"He went to go get a new belt for his lawn mower," Mrs. Popper replied smiling at me. Mr. Belmont drove his lawn mower everywhere, he said it was on an account that he was practically raised on a lawn mower, he said he worked hot hours of the day mowing lawns from sun up to sun down. I groaned when the bell rang for art class, usually I was exhilarated when the bell rang, but with Mrs. Popper everything just seemed right.

"Welcome guyz welcome go sit in your seats!" Mr. Percy exclaimed waving his hands in the air. While Mr. Percy was waving his hands around I couldn't help but to notice the pink flamingo on his left shirt pocket. All the kids slowly went to their seats, with Mr. Percy being all happy and bouncy, it made the rest of us seem like zombies.

"Like oh my gosh, today we are going to like make a mural!" Mr. Percy exclaimed clapping.

"What for?" Some kid asked.

"For the school duh, and then I'm going to make one for my wife!" He said squeezing his eyes together out of excitement. I figured that if he got anymore excited he would pee himself. I rolled my eyes when I saw that Stan was writing "Stan Loves Bebe" on the mural.

"Do you really think that is school appropriate?" I asked.

"Who asked you Mr. Twenty-nine tardies?" He snapped. I thought of something smart to say back but I bit my tongue, I mean you cant really talk to anyone about being school appropriate when you hardly follow the rules yourself.

"Awe, how sweet," Bebe said batting her fake eyelashes when she saw what Stan had painted on the mural.

"It's all for you," Stan smiled standing up.

"Ok so, tonight I am going out with Clyde," Bebe said.

"Where to?" Stan asked.

"To see him play in the biggest game of the year, and then to the home coming dance," Bebe replied.

"Okay," Stan said.

"I knew you would understand," Bebe smiled patting the top of Stan's head. I rolled my eyes, I swear Stan is brain dead.

"How is it coming along?" Mr. Percy exclaimed running towards us on his tip-toes clapping his hands.

"Just fine," I replied dipping my brush in some blue paint and "accidentally" running it over the part that said "Stan Loves Bebe"

"Oops," I said sheepishly. Stan glared at me, and picked up his brush and started to repaint his little signature.

"She's just using you," I said.

"Shut up, like you know anything about love," Stan said.

Stan turned back around and continued to work on his signature, this time he was painting little flowers and hearts around it, when I turned to see what Hayden was painting I was surprised to see that he had just painted a plain old circle.

"Why'd you just paint that ole circle, why don't you paint somethin good?" I asked.

"Some talents are better not being brought into the light," Hayden hissed at me and started drawing littler circles inside the larger ones. I half rolled my eyes and looked at what I myself was painting, nothing.

"Oh my land students, get your things together we have five minutes till lunch!" Mr. Percy exclaimed clapping his hands. I got up off my knees and gathered my painting utilities and took them to the janitor's closet to wash them. I watched the tainted water trickle down from the paintbrush and into the drain, while doing this I started to space out, I started thinking about fairies, dogs, tacos, and Hayden Meers.

"Yer holdin up the line!" A freckled boy snapped behind me.

"Sorry, I was just spacin I guess," I said moving out of the way allowing the freckled boy to wash out his brushes. The bell then rang and the boy glared at me.

"Now you done made us late for lunch," He said. For lunch we had an unidentifiable orange substance that turned out to be macaroni and cheese, and like all the other lunches we ever had it tasted like card board.

"Maybe we should start bringing our own lunch," Stan said plopping down beside me.

"Why aren't you sitting by Bebe?" I asked.

"Oh, she's sitting by Clyde, she said that we have to pretend like we aren't dating while she's around him, I think she told him I'm her cousin or something," Stan said picking up a spoon full of macaroni and letting it slide back onto his plate.

"I say lose her," I said.

"I can't I love her, I think, I mean she is the most beautiful woman that I have ever laid eyes on, and I'm not ready to give that up," Stan replied staring hard at his macaroni. I rolled my eyes and stared at my macaroni, it started swirling mysteriously under my eyes just like the water out of the paint brush, and the next thing I knew everything went black. I squinted my eyes open and I looked up at some bright fluorescent lights.

"Where am I?" I muttered.

"In the nurse's office, you fainted," Nurse Patty said smiling down at me.

"Now that you're up, time to ask some questions," Nurse Patty said grabbing a clip board, I nodded in reply.

"Has this happened to you before?" She asked.

"I-I can't remember," I muttered.

"Are you on any medications?" she asked.

"I don't know," I replied.

"Okay, here is a little easier question, what is your name?" She asked. I thought hard and long trying to remember but I just couldn't.

"I know your name," I said.

"That's because it's right here on my badge," Nurse Patty said pointing to the plastic name tag that I had first noticed while she was standing over me.

"Now, what is your name?" She demanded.

"Umm, Benjamin Franklin," I said sure of myself.

"No, why don't you just stay in here for the rest of the day," Nurse Patty said frowning slightly. Whenever she went back to her desk I grinned triumphantly, once again I had managed to get out of another afternoon of school. I closed my eyes and fell back asleep, when I woke up it was already 3:05.

"I feel much better, Nurse Patty," I said standing up.

"What is your name?" She asked.

"Kenny McCormick," I replied.

"Okay, go out and catch the bus," She said. I was in a jubilant mood while waiting for the bus, a whole afternoon without Clyde Donovan and Bebe Stevens was like Heaven.

"Why are you so happy?" Miranda asked, she must of caught my glow.

"I found five dollars on my way out," I replied.

"Sweet," Miranda replied. Miranda thinks there is nothing more lucky than finding bills on the sidewalk, if it's change then it isn't valuable or even worth telling her about, it has to be bills, and the bigger the bills the better. The bus ride home went quicker than the bus ride to school, when I walked into the house I smelled cooking onions and fried squash.

"Git yer asses upstairs and do yer homework," Mom said turning over a piece of squash on the skillet.

"You're going to have a lot of homework for missing this afternoon," Miranda snickered.

"Why're you talkin like all them proper kids?" I asked.

"Because, it is the popular thing to do," Miranda replied tossing her hair over her shoulder and walking off, I glared daggers at her back. I thought over the classes that I had missed, Science, English, and Gym, my favorite classes. Maybe I should start finding a way to get out of all my morning classes I thought to myself.

"Git yer asses in the kitchen, supper's ready," Mom called up to us.

"Popular girls don't eat fried food!" Miranda called back.

"Now this is country cookin and if you don't like it then you can just move!" Mom shouted back.

"Give me the money for a plane ticket and I'll move to Iowa with Uncle Stuart!" Miranda yelled.

"Git yer own money!" Mom hollered throwing a piece of fried squash at Miranda's face which was yelling over the stair rail.

"Ugh, I hate this illiterate family!" Miranda yelled going into her room and slamming the door hard behind her causing my framed picture of Al Gore to fall off the wall.

"Kenny are you gonna eat or are you gonna be a stubborn mule like your cousin?" Mom asked, I didn't reply, I just continued to stare at the wall, I was deciphering different shapes from the paint blotches.

"Kenny?" She asked again, this time I felt like answering her, I wanted to answer her but I couldn't, the paint blotches had me hooked.

"Fine, more for me then," Mom said walking back downstairs. She hadn't even bothered to come into my room, I thought to myself, if it had been Miranda she would of burst into her room like a hurricane and she would of asked her all sorts of questions about guys and stuff, but she never came into my room. I thought about asking her why she never came into my room, I knew it wasn't because my room is dirty, I have the cleanest room in the house, there is not a spot of dust on the floor and everything is all in perfect organization, unlike Miranda's room which had dirty clothes strung out all over the place. That night I heard some crinkling and a thudding up the stairs, when I peeked my head out my door I saw Miranda walking up the stairs with her arms full of snacky cakes going back to her room. I decided not to question her about it, I was just glad to see that she wasn't totally giving up food. I woke up the following morning to Miranda nudging my arm.

"How does this look?" She asked. I looked at her short pleated pink and black skirt and her tight white shirt with a collar.

"Fine," I muttered turning around and dozing off again.

"It's 7:15, Kenny!" She exclaimed pulling me out of bed.

"Shit! Why didn't anyone wake me up?" I asked quickly throwing a pair of jeans and a turquoise t-shirt on.

"Oh believe me, we tried, we tried everything but you just seemed to be out cold," Miranda said.

"What did Mom say?" I asked.

"Well, she said to let you stay in bed till you woke up, and whenever you did wake up and if school was out she'd take you to the doctor, but I just HAD to show you this outfit and when you did wake up I decided that it would be okay for you to go to school," Miranda said.

"Thanks a lot." I muttered. I sighed and went outside, the bus was already there, I stepped up on the bus and sat down next to the freckled boy from art class yesterday. He turned and glared at me, I guess he still hadn't forgiven me for holding up the lunch line.

"I don't want vandals sittin in my seat," He said angrily kicking me out of the seat, the next three people I tried to sit by did the same thing.

"What are you guys talking about?" I asked.

"As if you don't know, you painted obscene stuff all over the mural," Stan said.

"No, I was in the nurses office," I said defensively.

"We talked to Nurse Patty, she said you left at about 2:15 to go get a drink of water and you didn't come back for a little while, and at 3:07 was when we found the mural all ruint," The freckled boy said.

"Why, I did no such thing," I said glaring at everyone on the bus.

"Don't deny it McCormick, you're the only one that could of done it," Clyde said. I really didn't remember wrecking the mural and this time I wasn't lying. Walking down the halls of South Park I was met with glares from the other kids, and even some occasional trips as some of the guys stuck their foot out. I didn't even do anything. I thought to myself.

"You, are not to come to my art class anymore, I want you to transfer to music class, no, I want you to transfer out of the country!" Mr. Percy cried and then he ran off on his tip-toes. I rolled my eyes and I went to go see what the fuss was all about, painted over everything in blue was "fags should burn in hell!" "I want to blow the school up!" "Bebe is a slut!" and other horrible stuff which most of it was true. Well, there is one way around the first thing I noticed I thought to myself when I saw the freckled kid walking down the wall. I smiled to see that Clyde and Bebe were not to far behind, before the kid could get any further I grabbed his arm and drug him towards me and then I kissed him, hard and long right there in front of the two most popular kids in the school. The freckled kid kissed me back for a little while until he realized what he was doing and he pulled away.

"What's the big idea?" he glared at me.

"Read the mural, it says 'fags should burn in hell' why would I put that when I am gay myself?" I huffed walking off.

"Wait!" The freckled kid said running after me.

"What?" I asked angrily turning around to face him. The kid handed me a slip of paper.

I opened the slip and saw that it was a phone number, Scott's phone number. I was overcome with a feeling of excitement and I realized that I had liked kissing Scott, I had liked it a lot. I put the slip of paper in my pocket and walked down to History class.

"You're late once again Mr. McCormick, and I tell you even if this is your thirtieth tardy you will not be given a reward with a party and confetti, no Sir, instead you will be sent straight to Mr. Donovan's office," Mrs. Fair said waving her glasses around.

"Do I honestly have to go?" I asked.

"Yes, and you can also tell him how you defaced that mural,"

"But I didn't…"

"Yes you did," Mrs. Fair said cutting me off.

"Prove it," I said with a hint of anger in my voice, I was sick of everyone accusing me of something I didn't do.

"Very well than," Mrs. Fair said pulling out a tape.

"This is yesterday's surveillance camera," She said and she fast forwarded it until it showed….me…in front of the mural. I watched in horror as I dipped my brush in the blue paint and wrote all that obscene stuff.

"I…I…don't remember," I muttered softly.

"Don't play dumb McCormick, now we all have proof it was you," Clyde said.

"I honestly don't remember!" I cried out bolting out of the class room.


End file.
